Weekly Mind Move

Just Say It!

One of the ways that people get themselves into BIG trouble is that they commit to too many things. You want me to tell you how? Wait for it: NO. They simply fail to say: "NO".

"No" is such a simple word yet saying it out loud is harder for most people than saying: "I'll be glad to".

You said: "No!" quite well when you were two years old. After all, it's a two-year-old's job to say: "No!" Then you grow up and quickly become what they call a people pleaser. The word "No" simply dropped out of your vocabulary.

There is the misunderstanding that saying: "No" can cost a lot in one's adult life so to be safe people try to keep others happy. They will say: "Sure, I'll do it" or "No problem, I'll take care of it" when deep down, they know they don't have the time or they don't really want to.

If you say: "Yes" when you want to say: "No", you will feel resentful throughout whatever you agreed to do. This costs you a lot of unnecessary energy and discomfort.

By saying "Yes", may cause you to feel victimized and resentful that you have so much to do.

Here's the secret: There is nothing wrong with saying: "No", in fact it's your right and a protective necessity. It allows you to define your priorities and to take control of your life.

By having the courage to say "No" to some things, you allow yourself the benefits of saying "Yes" to finer, more productive, more lasting activities and experiences.

Every person in your life (superior, colleague, staff, family and friends) expects his or her views to be heard and considered. Listen to the proposal even if you are familiar with it. Look into the person's eyes and shake your head as you say politely and with self-confidence: "No". Don't delay your "No" because by delaying, you allow people to think you will be saying yes and importantly, don't apologize. Simply say: "No" after you have considered all aspects.

Explain why you have to say "No". This will dismiss any miscommunication and clarify your stance as it is. You will also find that even though after considering and having to say no does not mean that you're not helpful in any way. When in a pickle most people are desperate to find the fastest and best solution. By listening and talking an alternative solution can be explored and developed.

My advice to you is to practice to become familiar with the word "No". Remember in many circumstances that "No" does not necessarily mean forever but only "No" not now.

OK, that's a wrap for this week's mind move, so as ever, have a magical week and be sure to make it back for the next move.

Jacques Volschenk

Your Positive Attitude Empowerment Department.

(Learning from the Past, Living in the Present and Leading into the Future)